Sharing is a Learned Skill

It’s no secret that young children (and especially toddlers) have a hard time sharing. And yet, when it’s our child who won’t share, we can’t help but worry- “Have I created a monster?” “Will my child be selfish forever?” “How will she ever make friends?” A parent’s anxiety is especially high when children enter group care settings.

An article in Early Childhood News does a great job easing these fears.

When toddlers protect what they perceive as theirs, they demonstrate normal behavior for their age- a growing awareness that they are separate beings, with some control over their experiences. These early behaviors, while often stressful, will help a toddler grow into a confident child.

The article goes on to give a few great tips for parents including:

• Don’t be overly concerned. It is normal for a child to not consistently play cooperatively with others until age 3 at the earliest.
• Turn sharing into a game. Play around offering things to your child and then asking for them back. Make it silly and fun and use the word “sharing” often to reinforce the idea that sharing is fun.
• It’s OK for a child to have a few very special things that they do not have to share.
• Praise any moments of sharing you witness, whether they are forced by you or not.
• Invite a small group of toddlers to try out the same activity. Make sure it is something that everyone can do at once, like rolling cars on a mat, playing with play dough, or gathering around the sensory table. It’s OK if they don’t really interact. The idea is to give the sense that being together can be fun.
• Make sure that the toys your toddler shares are promptly returned.
• Even fake sharing is good sharing. When a child gives a toy without actually letting it go, he is taking a developmental step towards sharing. Praise him!
• Make sure you are treating all children equally. Children know when they are not being treated fairly and will begin to see sharing as threatening.
• Remember that toddlers have no sense of time. There is no point in explaining that they will get the toy back in a minute. Try visual cues like a timer or other concrete signal.

Happy sharing!